I had a killer dream recently.....I was stuck in this huge traffic jam somewhere on 128 northbound. Next thing I know I am screaming down the highway in an out of body space race.....and other humans are the competition....trying to eat my body parts and throw trash at me....I can hear jeff beck playing freeway jam in the background....Edgar Allen Poe meets Mario Andretti with a little cannibalistic twist.....I had another dream combining my 2 most recent professions....at Corliss Bros and Comstar.....the workplaces are surrounded with water....I am going from work station to work s station and people keep taking my work away....probably not a bad thing as I was not the best biller.....but the place is on a long waterfront....beautiful Sandy backdrop....people are working away...except for me...getting soaking wet!! Probably some professional regrets and symbolism there, but another scenario where The Office meets On the Beach...without the mega death bomb and death realm...
Brief medical update...vision is good....neuropathy is the same...I need a walker to be independent....I poop out quickly...on the plus side I am a day tripper around the north shore....other than avoiding oppressive heat, life is good. Floyd the wine drinking, cork nibbling, sleep loving gato is next to me on the couch next to the a.c. source....smart kitty......glad my Facebook buddy Bob Barton is arm wrestling and giving cancer an ass kicking....many happy returns to Bob and all my Facebook friends... how about those Red Sox!!
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
Dreams
I know... I know. I was just here with you a couple days ago.
I give you a brief medical update , kind of like spring cleaning. Tonight, on the eve of my 31st anniversary, I have a topic to invoke into the conversation. Dreams! I know that the whole topic of dreams dealing with psychologists and shrinks is not the easiest area to delve into . Maybe I am experiencing Facebook bravery in my old age and have a willingness to talk about things in print that I would otherwise forgo. I see a psychotherapist about once every two weeks. I have been through a lot, and it was suggested by more than one medical professional that I may wish to seek help based on all the things that I've been through . 1970s mentality , which is the way I was brought up , would have dictated that I toughen up and deal with my problems and be a man. Fast forward to the 2000's ... Real problems demand real answers . I am not John Wayne. For all I know he saw a shrink! Who knows....
So back to the dream... Remember the dream? I've been having this semi redundant dream for years . When I explain this , it may make no sense. I'll let you be the judge. The scenario is simple. The timeframe is now . I am a middle-aged man who is three courses short of graduating from college . For some reason the number is always three . I go back to school. I enroll in the courses. In p:/ast dreams I always woke up before I found out if I passed or I failed. Tonight , it was revealed that I failed all three courses . Strange part of the dream is that it happens in my real day life . I am married with children living in Beverly and yet I have to uproot myself and go to Providence Rhode Island and take these courses at Providence College....My alma mater..... I was no genius but I have the piece of paper that tells the tale. Hell, I even have a picture on Facebook of me receiving the diploma with the wrong hand!
So many things about this dream make absolutely no sense. I have a degree. I have no desire for an advanced degree. In this dream scenario, I keep going back to school to try to finish something that I've already finished . In the stream scenario, I am also ashamed of failing and don't want to tell my parents that I failed. Mind you, in real life, both of my parents are with God now and have no impact on my current life in terms of me living at home or anything like that . .. Very strange. Juxtaposed with all of these happenings is the fact that I am still married and have two kids who are living in Beverly and going to school and doing their stuff simultaneously. ... How the hell am I juggling these two lives? To me, the dream makes no sense. I put this in my blog as I have had this dream at least 20 times in my life, probably a lot more. In reality, I can barely handle working 10 hours a week and go to the gym a couple times a week without getting really tired. I do not have the energy to be able to take classes, never mind uproot my life, go to Rhode Island, and do all this stuff. It's a very odd scenario , and obviously I fail in completing the scenario every time....either partially or in totality...there is no Jetson or Star Trek capability to run dual lives...
I'm not necessarily looking for an answer to the dream scenario. It is what it is, and I suspect I'll have the dream again. It's not a scary dream. As a high school kid, I used to love to write. Like many of my peers who went to St. John's prep, writing was pretty much the backbone of everything we did. Most of my peers probably were excellent writers, and some of them went on to write books and do great things in the literary field. Even if they didn't, my guess is they can al write fairly well. In my career I have worked as a garden center sales person and as a medical billing manager. There is certainly aspects of the job that I either didn't like or came up a little bit short on, but my ability to write and communicate with others was never a question . In college, I never flunked class. My senior year, I chose to drop journalism class because I thought the teacher was an asshole. In retrospect, maybe I should've gutted out the class as I loved to write,still do... My teacher told me that my style was too stream of consciousness based to be a journalist, which is definitely true. Guilty as charged, judge. The first assignment was to write your own obituary. I thought the assignment was a joke as a 21-year-old kid so I wrote it from the perspective of a 21-year-old kid with two parents, a make-believe wife, make-believe kids, etc so I concocted an obituary . I guess I missed the fucking boat...The professor thought it was complete bullshit. My response to him was, how do you want me to present an obituary as a 21-year-old guy who loves beer and has a full family and an unfinished life? No shit I made one up....I guess my roots in cynicism and New England humor run deep ...exposed at an early age... These roots are exposed to this day. I do not have the temperament or the delivery to be a comedian. I'll leave that to my buddy Jimmy Dunn. That's his department. At the age of 55 I'm still trying to find my niche. I'm not complaining as I'm glad to be here ! I really am. I'm still on the search...
The conclusion I draw from the stream is that I still have more to say. Life is here to seize....so seize it in your own way. The story is not over . So, I will continue to talk to you folks . The topics may get weirder . I do not care if I ever make a dime off of this . If I can make you cry, make you laugh , and make you think , then I think I'm on the right track .
31 years ago today, I got married. It was a rainy day. We went to Niagara Falls for our honeymoon. It rained the whole goddamn week! People often comment that rain is a good thing on a wedding scenario . Let's say so far it has given us pretty good luck. Cheers to my sweet Judy blue eyes.
I give you a brief medical update , kind of like spring cleaning. Tonight, on the eve of my 31st anniversary, I have a topic to invoke into the conversation. Dreams! I know that the whole topic of dreams dealing with psychologists and shrinks is not the easiest area to delve into . Maybe I am experiencing Facebook bravery in my old age and have a willingness to talk about things in print that I would otherwise forgo. I see a psychotherapist about once every two weeks. I have been through a lot, and it was suggested by more than one medical professional that I may wish to seek help based on all the things that I've been through . 1970s mentality , which is the way I was brought up , would have dictated that I toughen up and deal with my problems and be a man. Fast forward to the 2000's ... Real problems demand real answers . I am not John Wayne. For all I know he saw a shrink! Who knows....
So back to the dream... Remember the dream? I've been having this semi redundant dream for years . When I explain this , it may make no sense. I'll let you be the judge. The scenario is simple. The timeframe is now . I am a middle-aged man who is three courses short of graduating from college . For some reason the number is always three . I go back to school. I enroll in the courses. In p:/ast dreams I always woke up before I found out if I passed or I failed. Tonight , it was revealed that I failed all three courses . Strange part of the dream is that it happens in my real day life . I am married with children living in Beverly and yet I have to uproot myself and go to Providence Rhode Island and take these courses at Providence College....My alma mater..... I was no genius but I have the piece of paper that tells the tale. Hell, I even have a picture on Facebook of me receiving the diploma with the wrong hand!
So many things about this dream make absolutely no sense. I have a degree. I have no desire for an advanced degree. In this dream scenario, I keep going back to school to try to finish something that I've already finished . In the stream scenario, I am also ashamed of failing and don't want to tell my parents that I failed. Mind you, in real life, both of my parents are with God now and have no impact on my current life in terms of me living at home or anything like that . .. Very strange. Juxtaposed with all of these happenings is the fact that I am still married and have two kids who are living in Beverly and going to school and doing their stuff simultaneously. ... How the hell am I juggling these two lives? To me, the dream makes no sense. I put this in my blog as I have had this dream at least 20 times in my life, probably a lot more. In reality, I can barely handle working 10 hours a week and go to the gym a couple times a week without getting really tired. I do not have the energy to be able to take classes, never mind uproot my life, go to Rhode Island, and do all this stuff. It's a very odd scenario , and obviously I fail in completing the scenario every time....either partially or in totality...there is no Jetson or Star Trek capability to run dual lives...
I'm not necessarily looking for an answer to the dream scenario. It is what it is, and I suspect I'll have the dream again. It's not a scary dream. As a high school kid, I used to love to write. Like many of my peers who went to St. John's prep, writing was pretty much the backbone of everything we did. Most of my peers probably were excellent writers, and some of them went on to write books and do great things in the literary field. Even if they didn't, my guess is they can al write fairly well. In my career I have worked as a garden center sales person and as a medical billing manager. There is certainly aspects of the job that I either didn't like or came up a little bit short on, but my ability to write and communicate with others was never a question . In college, I never flunked class. My senior year, I chose to drop journalism class because I thought the teacher was an asshole. In retrospect, maybe I should've gutted out the class as I loved to write,still do... My teacher told me that my style was too stream of consciousness based to be a journalist, which is definitely true. Guilty as charged, judge. The first assignment was to write your own obituary. I thought the assignment was a joke as a 21-year-old kid so I wrote it from the perspective of a 21-year-old kid with two parents, a make-believe wife, make-believe kids, etc so I concocted an obituary . I guess I missed the fucking boat...The professor thought it was complete bullshit. My response to him was, how do you want me to present an obituary as a 21-year-old guy who loves beer and has a full family and an unfinished life? No shit I made one up....I guess my roots in cynicism and New England humor run deep ...exposed at an early age... These roots are exposed to this day. I do not have the temperament or the delivery to be a comedian. I'll leave that to my buddy Jimmy Dunn. That's his department. At the age of 55 I'm still trying to find my niche. I'm not complaining as I'm glad to be here ! I really am. I'm still on the search...
The conclusion I draw from the stream is that I still have more to say. Life is here to seize....so seize it in your own way. The story is not over . So, I will continue to talk to you folks . The topics may get weirder . I do not care if I ever make a dime off of this . If I can make you cry, make you laugh , and make you think , then I think I'm on the right track .
31 years ago today, I got married. It was a rainy day. We went to Niagara Falls for our honeymoon. It rained the whole goddamn week! People often comment that rain is a good thing on a wedding scenario . Let's say so far it has given us pretty good luck. Cheers to my sweet Judy blue eyes.
Sunday, April 29, 2018
Spring 2018.......two years later!!
Hello friends. I haven't checked in for a while. I have been driving since Christmas. My eyesight is pretty good. All of my medical stuff is pretty steady at this point. My doctor's have been very conservative with the way they deal with my conditions. They are pleased with my progress but remind me that diabetes is a slowly progressive disease and that I may not gain the types of advances that I would love to see . My biggest struggle at this point is working on my mobility and trying to lose weight. I consider myself fortunate to be past many of the greatly terrible things that happened two years ago....now it's time to build a mental and physical base and see how much more I can do. I get tired very easily. I work about 10 hours a week. I try to get to the gym three times a week. I find myself taking afternoon naps very similar to my dad when he retired. Christ, I hope I don't snore as much as he did! At 55 I am certainly not ready to retire . I realize that my advance into the working world will be a very slow and gradual one . I may never get to the point where I can work full-time again. I am okay with that and will deal with any inconsistencies or weaknesses that I have as they come up . Like I have said many times before, I am here to tell the tale . I will do the best I can to expound on my tale so that maybe others can avoid some of the pratfalls that I have experienced because of poor diet and very bad timing. The newest issue I have has to do with my stomach . I can eat a very small amount of food and feel very full. Gone is the guy that used to be able to eat a pound of pasta and run 10 miles on a Saturday afternoon . Period.
I now struggle to eat a small plate of food . I have been diagnosed with gastrointestinal paresis. Sounds like something pretty wild and funky but it's just another side effect of diabetic retinopathy. As I've said before, diabetes is an insidious bitch. It's a quiet killer. I once wrote a poem, the long goodbye, as a testimony to my mom and my dad , as my mom was slowly passing away due to leuibodies dementia and Parkinson's disease. That poem was inspired by me driving my parents home from Florida.....sadly never to return as their health took a slow but steady decline.
My goal is to make my journey a long and healthy goodbye...enjoy the gifts I have been given ...My wife, my kids...My friends....what I call 'the village'......focus on today .....yeah....carpet diem dudes.....shout out to family friend Tom Smith.....quite an inspiration to complete the marathon and publicize 'journey forward' and put to the forefront the need to treat spinal injuries with all the tools we have in the tool box.....carpe diem...see you down the line..
I now struggle to eat a small plate of food . I have been diagnosed with gastrointestinal paresis. Sounds like something pretty wild and funky but it's just another side effect of diabetic retinopathy. As I've said before, diabetes is an insidious bitch. It's a quiet killer. I once wrote a poem, the long goodbye, as a testimony to my mom and my dad , as my mom was slowly passing away due to leuibodies dementia and Parkinson's disease. That poem was inspired by me driving my parents home from Florida.....sadly never to return as their health took a slow but steady decline.
My goal is to make my journey a long and healthy goodbye...enjoy the gifts I have been given ...My wife, my kids...My friends....what I call 'the village'......focus on today .....yeah....carpet diem dudes.....shout out to family friend Tom Smith.....quite an inspiration to complete the marathon and publicize 'journey forward' and put to the forefront the need to treat spinal injuries with all the tools we have in the tool box.....carpe diem...see you down the line..
Monday, January 29, 2018
Free speech has a price.....
A local sports disk jockey, Andrew Weimar, has been taken off Weei because he called Tom Brady's daughter a pissant on air Thursday......my opinion probably echoes that of many of Andrew's peers.....you own what you say, and kids are off limits as they are private citizens and minors.....pick on Brady all you want....or his wife...they are public personalities. Pretty fundamental and basic.....
One of the things I review with my kids ad nauseum is that you own what you say. I consider myself a novice blogger and run into this both here in this forum and at home and in real life. Sometimes my kids have about as much nuance as a whack in the head , but they are learning. Tom Brady, for his part, had a scheduled interview today and voiced his concern with what was said. He obviously thought calling his daughter a name was out of bounds and wished to close out his interview. If you want to hear the clip it was produced Thursday night around nine and I heard it live......thought it was off base at the time but thought little of it until it became a radio and Facebook issue today, with Brady's opinion being strongly stated.
In other developments, I am trying to hit the gym every other day. My friend Steve Walfield is acting as my trainer and sidekick. I am focusing on walking and basic biking.....boy am I out of shape! I am seeing pretty well and driving around Beverly.....blessed and free baby! Looking to race Jimmy Herzog, hahaha just kidding! Next step is working a little bit and managing working out and Dr visits.
I feel free.......I'm free.....I'm free to do what I want any old time.....more to come!!
One of the things I review with my kids ad nauseum is that you own what you say. I consider myself a novice blogger and run into this both here in this forum and at home and in real life. Sometimes my kids have about as much nuance as a whack in the head , but they are learning. Tom Brady, for his part, had a scheduled interview today and voiced his concern with what was said. He obviously thought calling his daughter a name was out of bounds and wished to close out his interview. If you want to hear the clip it was produced Thursday night around nine and I heard it live......thought it was off base at the time but thought little of it until it became a radio and Facebook issue today, with Brady's opinion being strongly stated.
In other developments, I am trying to hit the gym every other day. My friend Steve Walfield is acting as my trainer and sidekick. I am focusing on walking and basic biking.....boy am I out of shape! I am seeing pretty well and driving around Beverly.....blessed and free baby! Looking to race Jimmy Herzog, hahaha just kidding! Next step is working a little bit and managing working out and Dr visits.
I feel free.......I'm free.....I'm free to do what I want any old time.....more to come!!
Friday, January 12, 2018
New year's resolutions are bullshit
So.......do you go out New year's eve? With young kids and because I'm not the most mobile cat in the litter, we sometimes do the pre New year's eve stuff locally. We do not go out later and participate in amateur night driving anymore. The kids stayed up.....we watched the network NOT show the ball drop...then I called it a night. New year's resolutions? Not this year. For Mr....hopefully everything will get better this year.....health.....attitude....wallet.....all requiring effort and energy on my end...
I have done the specific resolution thing in the past......lose weight.....give up the sauce.....go for a promotion....raise....get a new job.......at the tender age of 55 I have concluded that I suck at resolutions for their own sake and do need to have a life movement...a purpose....and do the right stuff to achieve e a movement......
This year, it's about the gym.....a job....driving...starting with the basics, and moving along. I need to be more engaged and involved with everything. Family, health,all aspects require my efforts, attention, and improvement. I need to move on from just being happy to be here and do something........even if I fall flat on my ass......
So, the end game here is to not make it a game, or a resolution, or put a name to it.....but do it. I may need help getting there.....but that's ok.....part of this journey is to realise and accept that facet of life, make it a norm. I will get there...I hope you join me.
Peace in 2018......see you soon.
I have done the specific resolution thing in the past......lose weight.....give up the sauce.....go for a promotion....raise....get a new job.......at the tender age of 55 I have concluded that I suck at resolutions for their own sake and do need to have a life movement...a purpose....and do the right stuff to achieve e a movement......
This year, it's about the gym.....a job....driving...starting with the basics, and moving along. I need to be more engaged and involved with everything. Family, health,all aspects require my efforts, attention, and improvement. I need to move on from just being happy to be here and do something........even if I fall flat on my ass......
So, the end game here is to not make it a game, or a resolution, or put a name to it.....but do it. I may need help getting there.....but that's ok.....part of this journey is to realise and accept that facet of life, make it a norm. I will get there...I hope you join me.
Peace in 2018......see you soon.
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